As real estate agents, we often fall into the trap of chasing “yes.” We craft the perfect pitch, layer in incentives, and steer conversations toward agreement—only to discover that forcing “yes” can actually trip us up. This strategy isn’t just counterintuitive—it compromises trust and makes your clients feel boxed in.
According to The Black Swan Group, the most powerful real estate professionals don’t see themselves as negotiators—they see themselves as trust-builders. Your business isn’t about money, transactions, or even giving clients a great deal. It’s about whether clients feel safe trusting you with one of their most important decisions.
And here’s the truth: when we pursue “yes,” we often get what Chris Voss calls a “false yes.” This happens when clients agree just to end the conversation or avoid conflict, but in reality, they’re mentally disengaged or planning to walk away. On the other hand, when clients feel safe saying “no,” they open up and share real concerns, giving you the insights you need to close the deal with trust and confidence.
Yes Momentum: Why It Backfires
We’ve all heard the logic: get them to agree to small things, and eventually they’ll say “yes” to the big ask. But this momentum is misleading. Every hesitant “yes” chips away at trust. Instead of moving the relationship forward, you create resistance and defensiveness.
Reframe “No” as the Starting Line
Here’s the shift: “no” is where the real conversation begins. Consider a common approach:
“I can help you make a killing on your house?” Sure, clients might say “yes” to be polite. Instead, reframe with a no-oriented question like:
“Are you against taking 15 minutes to explore the benefits of selling right now?”
This subtle change immediately gives clients a sense of control. And when people feel safe, they’re more likely to share the truth—whether that’s about timing, concerns, or objections.
Take this example from a Republican Party fundraiser: instead of asking, “Will you donate to get a Republican back in the White House?” a cold-call fundraiser was instructed to ask “Have you given up on trying to get a Republican back in the White House?”
That subtle shift in phrasing produced a 23% increase in donations—because people felt more in control and less manipulated. The same principle applies when you’re working with buyers and sellers.
No-Oriented Questions You Can Use with Buyers or Sellers
Here’s how to reframe your everyday conversations to build trust and uncover what clients are really thinking:
|
Scenario |
Yes-Oriented Version |
No-Oriented Upgrade |
|---|---|---|
|
Scheduling a chat |
“Can we talk tomorrow?” |
“Would it be difficult to have a quick chat tomorrow?” |
|
Exploring motivation |
“Are you interested in moving?” |
“Would it be crazy to explore your situation?” |
|
Understanding concerns |
“Would you like me to explain the market?” |
“Are you opposed to sitting down and talking about current market trends?” |
|
Proposing a next step |
“Do you want me to start showing you homes?” |
“Would it be unreasonable to look at a couple of homes this week?” |
|
Ghosting |
“I haven’t heard back from you, do you have time this week?” |
“Have you given up on buying a new home?” |
These questions do more than redirect—they establish safety, invite honesty, and give clients room to reveal their true motivations. A “no” doesn’t mean rejection; it means engagement. And engagement is the foundation of influence.
Your Next Move: Apply & Invite
- Practice delivering one “no-oriented” question each day. Start small: “Is now a bad time to talk?” You’ll be surprised how quickly this shifts the tone of your conversations.
2. Reach out for coaching. Are you against a 20-minute call to explore if working together might be a good it? Is it ridiculous to reframe your approach to earn more trust, strengthens relationships, and ultimately grows your business?
Final Thought
The key to closing more deals isn’t about getting people to say “yes.” It’s about creating conversations where clients feel safe enough to tell you the truth, express their concerns, and feel heard. That’s what builds connection and trust—and often, it all starts with a single “no.”